this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I need water and some morals
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
