When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
