Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize