Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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