the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
