Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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