I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Randomize
