I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
