my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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