Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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