When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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