this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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