I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
