What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize