I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
