I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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