It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
