Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
