So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
