3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
