i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
