i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize