Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Randomize
