I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
