I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Randomize
