on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
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