just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
