Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
