My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
