where am i from again
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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