can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize
