i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
