I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
