So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
