Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
