got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
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