apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
