Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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