i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
