I CAN MOONWALK!
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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