Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
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