What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
