i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize