No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
