Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
Is it because I queefed?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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