My liver just broke up with me...
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
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