Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
wow bdsm is so cute
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
