I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
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