Did you just see the Batmobile???
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Randomize
