Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Randomize
