Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
