Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My bed smells like the plague
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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