I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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