Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
