he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
