Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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