I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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