She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
