I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
