his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
