Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
