He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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