She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
