Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
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