You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
