Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Randomize
