So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
