2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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