I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
Randomize
