So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
