he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
