kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
