I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
