When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize