I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
