Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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