brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
