hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
