There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
