uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
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