he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize