She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
He called his prostate his "boner button".
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
