Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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