I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
