I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
