I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
