i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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