bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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