Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
