The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
