6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Life is so much better after having sex.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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