@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
