hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
