You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
