I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
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