The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Randomize