he shaved USA in his pubs
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Brb crying the tears of my youth
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
