look no pants
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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