The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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