Are we in a gay sports bar?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
