Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
where are my eyebrows?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
