im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
