Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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