Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Vodka?
Forever.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
