It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
