Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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