I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
